His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
