My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
