I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
