I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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