Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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