i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
