thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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