using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
