Betty ford says i'm here all night
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
