Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
