So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
