he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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