I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
