He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
