You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
