The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
