her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
