My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize