He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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