Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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