Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize