you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
