Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize