I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
