how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
