nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
