It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize