just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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