sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I faked an abortion last night.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
