captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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