Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
