I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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