She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
