i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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