Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think your dad took our porno
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
