you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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