Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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