Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
