She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
