I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
