my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
