i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
