Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
