Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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