His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
