I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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