maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
