Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
