um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
