I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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