I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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