I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
