im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
