I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
