He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
