you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
