And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
