Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize