Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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