After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize