I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
