a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
