A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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