haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
