who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
