the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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