I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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