A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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