i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
