I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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